Using Sunglasses to Choose a Guitar

by The Fretwire
It can be a tough decision to choose a new guitar. There are so many factors to consider:
  • Acoustic or Electric?
  • What Brand?
  • Solid Body or Hollow?
  • American or Asian?
  • Cheap or Expensive?
  • Sunburst or Black?
To make things easier, we at The FretWire have put together a handy guide to selecting your next guitar. Rather than considering the obvious questions of budget and musical taste, we have simplified the process. After countless hours of research, we have created this exhaustive guide. Simply use your sunglasses to select your next guitar. Look in the mirror on a sunny day, then compare what you see to what is below. There you have it. A guitar you are guaranteed to be happy with.

Option 1

If you wear these glasses,
You should get this guitar.

Option 2

If you wear these glasses,
You should get this guitar.
In case you are playing on Highway 61.

Option 3

If you wear these glasses,
You should get this guitar.

Option 4

If you wear these glasses,
You should get this guitar.
Oh, whoa whoa Sweet Les Paul o' mine.

Option 5

If you wear these glasses,
You should get this guitar.
White sunglasses = "Pay attention to me" = Jackson guitar. Sorry, just the way it is. You should also be driving a 5-10 year old Mustang, but that is outside of the scope of this guide.

Option 6

If you wear these glasses,
You should get this guitar.
Remember: If they wrap around your face, you gotta play the bass. Note: if the glasses where white, they would be superceded by the "Get Noticed" rule, requiring the purchase of a Jackson guitar.

Option 7

If you wear these glasses,
You should get this guitar.
Uno, dos, tres, catorce?
There you have it. I told you it was exhaustive. Happy shopping!
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